dear kiki...

The Eve of New Year...

This picture was my Christmas present to my parents, framed for their desks at work.  How cute is little bunny and how gorgeous is my sister??  She has no clue, she doesn't even like this picture!  My parents love their two babies, bunny and Lizzy, and Lizzy is leaving them in less than 30 days.

New Year... I have so much going through my head at the moment.  I really have hated New Years for oh so many reasons beginning with my unpleasant early memories of the holiday that I just haven't been able to shake in my adult life.  It has always seemed to be such a depressing holiday where everyone tries to have fun but nobody really succeeds.  This year is a bit different for me, this year New Year is going to be fantabulous!  First, though last year this time was horrid because I was sooooo broke and spent it in my apartment, it was still better than previous years.  Oh and I was in my flooded, moldy, disgusting apartment that my dead beat landlord was doing nothing about but moving me to a new apartment which would take a few more days.  I had to slosh through the hallway, soooo GROSS!!  I was making progress in my life, with my goals and I couldn't wait to kiss the previous year goodbye!  This year is even better, my life has only improved with each month since then and I can now finally see the path I want and my progress toward my goals.  My new location and apartment rule and I'm slowly but surely getting there with my career and art.  Best of all... I am spending the New Year with some of my best friends, which is sooo awesome!!  I am sooo excited!!  Then we are heading off to a girls trip in Tahoe!!!  This week is going to rock!  I also get to wear a princess dress I bought a loooooong time ago because it was soooo beautiful but I haven't had an occasion to wear it yet!  I'm looking forward to getting all dressed up with my gorgeous friends and looking gorgeous with them and taking lots of pictures and ringing in the New Year!

I have ridiculous amounts of goals for the next couple of years, long and short term.  I don't want to call them resolutions, I think that word trivializes them.  Sometimes I think I have too many, I want so much, to do so many things, but you know what Fuck it that's who I am the girl who wants it all and damn it I'm going to do it!  Nothing has stopped me yet, I'm a survivor and I fight for what I want!  What I want does not include a bunch of money and stuff, some money would be nice however it is not what drives me.  Not being able to afford Christmas presents really lets you see the commercial reality of the holiday.  It truly is insane the amounts of money people spend and the amounts of STUFF they acquire.  I revolt against that, against my homogenized, commercialized American instincts!  It really feels out of control. 

EVERYONE MUST SEE THE CORPORATION A POWERFUL AND TRUTH TELLING DOCUMENTARY ON THE REALITY OF CAPITALISM AND IT'S WORLDWIDE EFFECTS! 

The Corporation 

Warning this film may put you in a bad mood and severely piss you off.  If not then there may be something wrong with you.  It summarizes my feelings on globalization and the Corporation in a much more elegant and expletive free way.  If this film doesn't change your life and habits then there also may be something wrong with you. 

"Let the world change you and you can change the world."

 

 

Preaching over but you must see this film!  In the end life is what you make it.  Have a wonderful New Year my bellas!  Ciao!

Ummm... Crap it's almost Christmas!

Yawn I'm tired!!!  I am scrambling to finish up all my projects and send them off, clean up from my baking extravaganza last night, pack and get going to my parents house!!  Once I arrive I have more baking to do!  My sister came yesterday to go shopping in the city and that was exhausting!!  It was packed and all the stores were really HOT!! Plus it was raining all day!!  Then after we got back home about 8pm I had to bake which I did until almost 1am.  Now I am organizing the free kit for the mag to send out and trying to finish an Xmas present and get going!  How did this happen??  How is Christmas upon us??  I need another week!!! 

I did get a job call yesterday for a REALLY cool position that I didn't think I had a chance for and the other job I interviewed for on Monday called yesterday to check in and say everything looked really positive and that they have to wait until the VP returns to the country on about Jan 7 to make a decision but if I get an offer in the meantime to call them.  Which sounds good and I have another interview next week ack!!  So hopefully some of this will work out and I will have a job that I like early next year!  The call yesterday was just to set up the initial phone screening so I have to do that next week and hope I make it to the interview stage (fingers crossed).  Must have job soon!!

Yeah this is a sad I am making your present year, I am actually giving nobody presents just my parents something little I made because I just can't spare any money at the moment, I have no job.  I am hoping to make up for it later.  It sucks though not even being able to purchase small things.  I am making my sister a present too but she has to supply me with more pictures and stuff, so it won't be finished for a bit.  But my brother doesn't want anything I could make him and I don't know, it kinda sucks getting a bunch of presents and not being able to give any.  I feel really guilty about it, like it's mean or something even though there really is nothing I can do about it.  Oh well, I'm still actually less broke this year than last year as sad as that is and I had a job last year.  It just didn't pay me enough to pay my rent and bills sooo I was pretty much screwed!  I can't wait to have a job again and I won't have to stress so much about money... soon hopefully!  Anyway, I will be out of town for a couple days and will return with lots of adorable pictures of Cinnabun in his jacket and other cute things we can force him to wear ;)  hee hee!  These pics are from our Congo Lounge night on wed.  Poor Dennise I forced her to pose by the sign ;)  She loves me! 

Happy Holidays!  Ciao Bellas!

Burnin Down the House...

Oh my has it been an interesting day!!!  I awoke to my roommate frantically trying to smother a fire they started in the radiator yelling what do I do?  What do I do?  It's on Fire!  I just yelled WATER, WATER!  Sigh... The fire was thwarted and the apartment filled with smoke.  Took awhile to get it all aired out and stop my eyes from burning.  The cause???  A candle...  I placed it on top of the heater on a plate last night because it was not on but my roommate did not notice that this morning when turning on the heater.  OOPSY!!!  Almost burned down the apartment!!!!!!  What a way to get the blood flowing in the morning!!

Well I found my ornaments as you can see and finished trimming the leaning tree!  While I was unpacking my ornaments I found a marriage artifact.  See this is what happens when you get divorced and you are the female of the relationship, we have all the stuff, all the combined property, decorating stuff.  I found our first year of marriage ornament, he never has to worry about finding stuff like that!  What am I supposed to do with it now?  I was tempted to burn it but ;)  Just kidding, it just sucks finding that kind of stuff, it's sad and a bit depressing.  Regardless of the fact that I have less than zero desire to reunite with my ex (no offense if you are reading this) it just brings back all the memories and crap that I don't really want to be reminded of.  Anyway it's one of the MANY joys of divorce.  Divorce is like a death in the family but it haunts you.  I pity anyone who has to go through it and mine was somewhat amiable but, it still sucked arse!

On to more pleasant things like going out with the girls tomorrow night for tiki drinking love!  Now I just have to decide between the aforementioned Congo Lounge and the newly opened Kona Club!  There are now 2 count em 2 tiki bars in Oakland!  Oh I am in heaven!  The Kona Club is still working out the drink menu kinks from what I've read but I am curious.  I wish I could share all of the things I worked on today but I was designing for the Digital Memories Magazine free kit so you have to wait until January to see it.  I'm tired and I have to get some rest to prepare for the tiki activities and I have to write interview thank you notes and send those out tomorrow, which is soooooo fun!  Hopefully there won't be any fires tomorrow morning!  Ciao Bellas!

Christmas Flunkeeeee!

OK am I the only one who can not handle the fact that Christmas is merely days away??  I just tonight put my tree up.  It makes me feel like a real Christmas loser!  I tried to put it up last week but as I have not taken it out for 2 years I neglected to notice the lack of a stand.  So this evening we finally bought a tree stand from longs, on sale for $5!  Of course one of the little screw things was broken so my tree is crooked, I really need one more string of lights and I can't find a box of my ornaments!  I just feel like I should be better at this whole Christmas thing, better prepared, or something... I mean I'm 28 not 19 in my first apartment!  The reason I can't find things is because I am divorced and during the whole separating possessions thing I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to what went where.  I also spent the last two years in a small over furnished apartment and didn't even bother going to storage to get my tree and put it up.  Now I find myself in my new apartment more organized yet not completely unpacked and I still have to dig through my stuff tomorrow to try and find those missing ornaments.  I am vexed by their disappearance because I thought I saw them during the move and they are important, hallmark collected since childhood ornaments.  I'm sure I will find them but I feel like such a domestic loser!  I also have NEVER, not once sent out Christmas or holiday cards!  I have some, I could easily make some cool ones but I think I have like 5 home addresses of my friends.  We are a group of phone numbers and email addresses.  I do have a couple grown up friends who have it together and send me cards, I just suck and can't get it together enough to pull off this tradition yet.  I do have to do a great deal of baking this week, that I am good at, I'm a good baker. yeah whoo hoo.  Am I the only Christmas Flunkee?  It makes me feel soooo inadequate ;)  Anyway I am posting a pic of my sad little tree.  I will go drink some more southern comfort laced egg nog and then it won't look so pathetic or crooked!

I'm TIRED today!  I had a interview with a Company I really want to work for and the whole thing was exhausting, all of the preparation, tension, nerves and stress.  I think it went really well, I don't think I could have done much better but that doesn't mean I have the job.  I had to go through 3 screenings just to get the first interview, these things are always sooo tricky, I just have to be happy with my performance, what I learned from it and let it be.  To celebrate I went to a yummy sushi place on College Ave where everything is, called Isobune, the ORIGINAL Sushi boat restaurant.  SUPER cool it's a sushi conveyor belt but little wooden floating boats in water that go around a big sushi bar and you just take what you want and they tally it all up at the end.  Much to my counterpart's chagrin though we had to sit at a table because I had to order a bunch of veggie sushi that wasn't on the conveyor belt.  Next time I think I will ask if I can order it special even if we sit at the bar.  It was soooo yummy!  Lucas made the most AMAZING sushi for the party last weekend and I have been craving it nightly ever since!  Mmmmmm sushi....

Also I have to add that on Friday night at the Congo Lounge Dennise and I had the most delightful waitress who not only carded us (oh how the tables turn) but after checking our ID's diligently said....

"Wow, you guys look a lot younger than you are!"

Um, I love you!!!  Yes we giggled, noted what a large tip she would be receiving and begged her to tell us more about how young we looked!  Oh it's the simple pleasures in life... indeed!  Ciao bellas!

Diploma

Well I was ready to post Thursday night and yesterday but typepad was having major issues so it had to wait until now.  It's OK in the end because yesterday I received a nice surprise under my building front door... My Diploma from UCSD.  It feels soooooo good to have the official document in my possession.  Yes I had done everything I had supposed to, degree checks, passed my classes, filed etc. but there was a slight delay in processing my graduation because of one of my old classes grades not posting properly.  This took FOREVER to resolve and I knew eventually it would all be finished and I would get my diploma but I expected to have to make at least one more call to verify.  Thus imagine my delight in finding my official documentation at my doorstep.   Mmmmm it feels real good to finally have it in my hands!

Well the last week has been a flurry of email screenings, phone screenings, phone interviews and interviews, damn job hunting sucks! Although after 3 pre-screening I do have a cool interview on Monday so hopefully I won't screw up the...

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years if everything goes right for you?"

question.  OK who came up with that stupid, unimaginative question???  It sucks!  I just want to say lady I barely know where the hell I'm going to be tomorrow let alone in five years!  Well ma'am I hope to be on a space shuttle to mars to populate the planet and possibly have a sex change operation, do you think that would be a problem?  Stupid asinine questions.  Another favorite is

"What is your biggest weakness?"

I mean come on, show a little imagination, you have to be an inexperienced interviewee to fall for that one!  My favorite answer is, well I'm a perfectionist and sometimes my standards are too high.  HA, HA!  I really want to say

"Well I have had to work with a number of incompetent morons and they simply irritate me.  I also have a problem with authority specifically when the authority in question is a moron.  I seem to end up working for bosses who are intellectually inferior to me and frankly it becomes annoying.  How do so many stupid people end up with authoritative positions?  I have truly contemplated that in fact to hold a position of power in a company you have to achieve a low enough score on an IQ test.   I have honestly had to rewrite minutes and proposals etc. for bosses who have company cars and expense accounts.  I mean seriously what the hell, when you are in that position shouldn't you  be able to  put some basic sentences together?  While we are on the subject I vehemently DETEST having to teach a bunch of 50 year olds how to use the computer and the simplest of word processing software.  It NEVER fails I have to spend a good part of my day demonstrating the basics of computer use as if I am teaching children oh and afterward's I have to teach them the SAME thing again and again and again!  All the while they are bringing in 6 figures and I barely make enough to pay my bills, yeah that kind of gets on my very last nerve.  However, I am very talented in pretending none of it bothers me and behaving in a pleasant amiable very early 1800's sort of manner while at work.  Do you think that would be a problem?

Hee hee!  Now that no-one wants to hire me!  Ugh people are such asses!  I would like to work for someone I admire at least a little and from whom I can actually learn something.  I would also like a job that doesn't bore me to tears, I need to be challenged a little PLEASE!  Anyway yeah job hunting is OH so much fun!  It's really a full time job, researching, preparing all of your stock interview answers, blah blah! 

I also had several submission deadlines all hit yesterday and Thursday so that added to the hectic nature of last week.  However I did partake in super fun activities, Saturday was the engagement party which was such a blast!  Francis brought the MAGIC MIKE which provided us with hours of bad singing, re-creating all the fun ridiculous dance moves of the 80's and 90's, screaming and general all around silliness of every kind.  I happened to bring my Axle Rose purse and used it to request some G & R from Fran and he most kindly obliged.  Man it was great.  This pic is one of MANY from the Part-ay!  I also went to the ONLY Tiki bar in Oakland/Berkley which as I discovered happens to be right down the street on College last night with Dennise for some girl time.  The Congo Room RULES!!!  I can't wait to go back, a lot!  Can you FREAKING imagine????  A TIKI BAR sooooo close to my dwelling???  I may never leave.  The decor was impressive, the drinks both delicious and served in the proper tiki glassware complete with Trader Vics-esque drink picks and fruit mmmm oh and not watered down.  Music was GREAT and the patrons non sleazy and non annoying!  Oh how superior the Bay is to San Diego in its bar scene!  We had a nice time with some older men who were friends of the owner of the establishment.  Although some of them were attached and knew that we were, I think that the Greek fellow succumbed to Dennise's Charms and may have been beyond smitten with her!  She is very alluring!  I may now name 3 fine establishments within walking distance of my abode on College, whoo hoo!  TIKI BAR BY MY HOUSE THIS FREAKING RULES!!!! 

I did however return home and write several slightly intoxicated emails to my girl friends consisting of several I miss you and I love you, do you know how much I love you?  Did I mention I love you?  Um and damn is it difficult to email while intoxicated, well to type, I had to keep backspacing and retyping over and over again, it was quite trying!  Much like drunk dialing but far less embarrassing and slightly more endearing.  Annabell, so sorry I do love you and I promise to write you a non drunken email next time!  Ciao Bellas!!

Had to add um how cute are Dennise and Lucas below???  ahhhh!  now Ciao Bellas!!!

Lovely News!

My dearest most lovely, wonderful friend Dennise is engaged!!  I've held that in for a couple weeks!  I am very excited for her and Lucas, it's going to be loads of fun!!  Most looking forward to the Bachelorette Party and the arrival of Annabella from Spain for a lengthy fabulous celebratory visit!!!  They are having an engagement/Birthday Party this weekend so I look forward to fun activities!  I love living up here and being so near my friends!  I am working on this piece for the party, it's almost finished but I'm going to post it anyway!  So  much is happening this year, 2006 is going to be super fabulous I have a wedding, Annabella's visit, Zahra's Graduation (from YALE), and a dear friend is expecting!  This is my first real close friend my age having a baby and it is sooo exciting! 

I am so happy for my friends and so grateful for my life.  Things seem to really be starting to take off for me, my pages are getting picked up consistently and I am growing and learning as an artist.  What more can you ask for?  My life is far from perfect, but it doesn't need to be.  I am so grateful for the goodness that I do have and for my amazing friends who are my family.  I started journaling again and writing more, one of my goals for next year and I have forgotten how cathartic it can be.  Thanksgiving was a little rough with my family so I had to deal with it and get it out.  I'm starting to merge my writing and journaling with some collage art expression with scrapbooking and wow does it do wonders for the soul.  It lifts that heavy weight off my shoulders and the sadness, guilt, pressure.  I firmly believe in self expression as therapy!  My sister does it as well and I think it has helped get her through so much.  I wouldn't have survived high school without it.  It is so easy though to ignore yourself, your own needs.  I often overwhelm myself with the shear volume of wants that I have, so many goals, so little time.  Well I just finished 3 assignments for the Jan DMM mag and am quite pleased with 2 of them and happy with 1.  It's not bad or anything just not as fabulous as the other 2.  Now I must return to work, Ciao Bella's!!